So last week I had this strong urge to send a poem I heard on the radio to my pastor. The poem Undo Me talks about how I don't really worship God anymore, and how I really desire that intimacy with my creator. It truly became my prayer through everything I have gone through. When I told my pastor this he asked me to read it in church Sunday. I'm not really looking forward to this. See I am the good girl. I have an image I feel I have to keep up (my walls). I fear the congregation will not like what they see or hear from me during this. It asks me to be totally open and vulnerable. Yeah I'm struggling with this to say the least. God has called me to be free.
I've been thinking about emailing my Pastor and telling him, I just can't. I can't be that open with these people who love me. I can't let them see me weak. Right as I started to send the email a Tenth Avenue North song comes on Healing Begins. The very beginning speaks directly to me. "So you thought you had to keep this up. All the work you do so we think that you're good. And you can't believe it's not enough. All the walls you built up are just glass on the outside. So let 'em fall down. There's freedom waiting in the sound. When you let your walls fall to the ground. We're here now."
In my mind this is a challenge directly from God. See he is asking me to share my journey with those close to me. He is asking me to be honest and let others share in my pain and my joy. I was never meant to carry my burdens alone, but that is exactly what I have been doing. By hiding my weaknesses from others they can't see everything God is doing. They can't cry with me, give me encouragement or praise God from where he is bringing me from. In Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 we see that there is power in numbers. One person can help someone else much better than that person can help themselves.
I truly believe that by allow my weaknesses to be shown praise can be given to God. I also believe my testimony can be used to help those going through the same valley. So Sunday I will breath in deeply God's grace and open my heart on Sunday. May God receive all of the glory.