Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, 'Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?' Jesus answered, 'I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times." - Matthew 18:21-22I have heard these verses hundred times. Forgive because your hurting yourself more than the other person. Well I have been hurt, by someone who is hurt. Let's back up a bit.
About a month ago I watched an interaction between 2 cousins who had been hurt by each other take their pain to facebook in very inappropriate ways. Oh my poor grandma. She has facebook, she can see this as well as the entire family. My aunt stepped in and told them that. She gave them the lecture they needed because guess what, it stopped.
Fast forward to today...
Someone who I love dearly has been hurt by me. This person was raised to get revenge and boy oh boy do they like to continually get revenge. What they do is not just seek revenge to make up for the hurt they feel they like to continually get revenge. They like to push everyone involved away so they don't ever get hurt again.
So yesterday was the last straw. I broke I didn't even react like a "good christian girl". I reacted like the people of this world. I reacted in anger toward someone else who is highly involved and will always choose this persons side. Someone close to me. I knew I would forgive him, but I didn't want to at that moment. I wanted to be right in my anger, but I knew that if I told anyone they would point me back to the Bible and tell me to forgive him. I wasn't ready to do that. At least not on my own.
He knew I was upset, I mean anyone in the vehicle with us new I was upset. So he sent me a message asking if everything was okay. I let some of my anger out, because well he will never now how much he has truly hurt me. Why, because I love him and love keeps no record of wrong.
The rest of that parable says ...
“Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold was brought to him. Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt. “At this the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ The servant’s master took pity on him, canceled the debt and let him go. “But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins. He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded. “His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’ “But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened. “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ In anger his master handed him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed. “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.” - Matthew 18:23-35Well if God can forgive me much, and I can't forgive those around me why should he forgive me. I mean He wants my life to mirror what He has down for me. So I ask God to help me forgive. Telling him what was bothering me at the moment helped me. Praying, and asking others to pray for me helped. I feel better. May you seek God when forgiving feels unfair. He truly does love you, and sometimes seeking God is the only way to forgive them.