"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight" - Proverbs 3:5-6So I have this really odd feeling that I am missing something, something that God is pointing me toward. This feeling can't be shaken off, no it won't disappear and yet I feel like the arrow is right in front of my face, but I can't see it. Okay, maybe I can see it, but I feel like I'm too late. The opportunity like many in the past is gone. I hope that it isn't because I'm not completely sure what to do at the moment.
A few months ago I wrote 2 posts that deal with directions from God. Trust in God, He sees the whole picture which was about how I felt God was asking me to trust him in one specific area of my life. The second post: Lean Not on your own Mis-understanding was about how I was trying to follow God's leading but still doing everything my own way. Guess what, I still haven't followed where God was leading me, and boy oh boy do I feel more lost than ever before.
There were days where I felt so sure of what was ahead, yet fear made me completely immobile. In my mind, I can move forward, in reality, it is as if the fears and lies that have been ingrained into me act as walls. Okay, they don't act, they are walls. Huge walls. Walls that I need a helicopter to come lift me over because I can't find my way around, and I don't know how to knock them down. Walls that I don't like, but that I have built to keep myself from getting hurt, and from feeling disappointment. Walls that are comfortable.
There are other days, (these are happening much more frequently now), where I feel like the pathway has become overgrown with weeds and to walk it would be impossible. With God, nothing is impossible, right. Yet, the weeds that are lies have grown so thick that I can't make it through them, I can't find the path that was right in front of me a few months ago.
I am sitting here thinking about how I have strayed so far off of the path that was in front of me, I'm not even worthy of the blessings on that path. Lies, everything I am thinking is a lie and I'm believing it. The song He Loves me Anyway just came on the radio. At this moment, I needed to be reminded that God loves me and all those feeling and thought racing through at this moment are lies.
It may be true that the direction God was leading me, and the chance he wanted me to take that I never did, may be lost, but the path is still there. If I journey on then a new opportunity may be found. One that will bring its blessings just the same.
In Revelations we are reminded that we should find our first love, Jesus. That is how we get back on the right path.
Have you ever felt like you missed the blessings God has for you? I would love to hear how you found your path again.