Ona C.Blog

The beginning of a year of rest...

Ona C.Blog
Even before I started this blog I had this huge weight on my shoulders. I was tired, but I needed to extend grace to myself and thought it may benefit others. I really needed grace at that point in my life. You see, it was terrible. I was struggling with God's love for me as well as my love for myself, his creation.

I mean when God was finished creating the world he said it was very good. So I am exactly what he had planned before I was ever born, I am where he knew I would be. Yeah, I disappoint him, heck I disappoint myself every day of this life. In my head I know that God loves me, and that he extends his grace to me. I also know that through Jesus I don't have to carry the shame of where I have been anymore. The problem is in my heart those just feels like words.

So about three weeks ago I approached my pastor and told him that I am exhausted. As my sister says, I am burned out, and she sees it the most as we share an apartment. So she sees me ready to curl up under my desk and cry, or ready to burst out in anger at those around me because they are just putting more pressure on me than I need.

Photo by Spyros Papaspyropoulos

So now I stand at a brink, how do I take a break without walking away from everything completely. That is the hard part. Today I actually sat through church and am trying so very hard to leave everything in the very capable hands of the people around me.

If all goes as I hope I will be blogging more than I have been recently. Things I learn while I am resting. Things God is revealing to me, and challenges to keep up the quiet life of Sabbath. My new beginning of learning to rest in God's love and allowing my identity to come from him fully not from all that I do. J

Dear Lord, Please bless me and allow me to seek and find you. Allow me to know your love so I can push it out to those who need it most. I ask you to touch my church, I ask you to touch my replacements and allow me to have great blessings. Those who you have ready to replace me please open their hearts and their spiritual ears to hear you calling. Give them courage to answer the call and I ask that you will give them what they need to do the different tasks before them. In Jesus' holy and loving name, Amen