God warned me as I gradually got worse. He warned me that the path and the rate I was taking the path weren't healthy. Yet something inside told me that this was the life God had for me. I started to believe that I was put on this earth to be over used and abused (lie).
I sat across from my mom at my kitchen table almost in tears as I finally let those words I had been holding escape. It was terrible, yet liberating all at the same time. I had started believing that I was all used up, of no use to anyone, even God. (Lie)
What a terrible place to be, but finally speaking my mom almost in tears because she is tired too. Gave me some much needed truth. God loves us, both of us. He came to give us rest, yes he wants us to do work for him but not at the cost of relationships. The most important relationship being with him.
That is exactly what God warned me of, I can't lead or even teach without him. Without spending time with him, I am forgetting love and grace. Without love and grace the words I say are nothing but noise.
Now for a little bit of truth; if Satan can pull us from God long enough we forget love and grace; then he steals our purpose. Our purpose of giving grace and love to others while pointing to the author of it all.
So I am trying to rekindle my relationship with God. Seeking him knowing he has promised to be found. I was reminded of where I was while reading another blog called The Good Life
. This blog reminded me that God didn't put me on this earth to be over used and abused. No that is a lie, God went through great efforts to show his love.
While I feel like I have been used up to the point of being useless. That is a lie, God always uses the least expected and most unqualified people. Think about it, God uses Moses who had a speech impediment, and Paul who persecuted his followers. Yet these are just a few examples of people God used that didn't fit the mold. So know I just need to rest, and be ready for God to use me.
As long as I don't allow Satan to take my voice, and I seek God with all of my heart, I am useful; and so are you.
I praise you for your wisdom. I thank you for the opportunity to get closer to you. Please continue to draw me toward you. Help me to find you, where I can understand and share your love and grace.
In Jesus name,