The Day I realized God didn't hate me.

Jesus loves me this I know,  for the Bible tells me so. Little ones to you belong they are weak but you are strong. Yes,  Jesus loves me. Yes,  Jesus loves me.  Yes,  Jesus loves me. For the Bible tells me so.  

As a child, you may or may not have learned that song. There are more verses, but that is the only verses I was taught as a child. I go through mountain times, where I believe that without any doubt. Then I go through valley times. Hard days, weeks, months, even years, where it takes everything in me to believe that Jesus loves me.

Jesus loves me when I follow him, and he still loves me when I screw up and my life is a mess and appears to be falling apart.

So when I graduated from high school I spent the following fall and spring soaking up God like there is no tomorrow.  There are days I wish I could go back to that. Those were awesome, stress-free days. But society reminds us that we must adult, and adulting in this world is hard.

For the past few years, I have been struggling. Struggling with feeling God leading me to do something, but hitting bumps, holes, and even road blocks that stop me. I hate it because I believe that God has opened the door and things in life are keeping me out. 

The people around me are pushing me toward this open door, but they can't see the road blocks or feel the bumps and holes.  They don't see the endless fighting, but God does. And that made me angry. As if God was taunting me with the open door. 

Let me just say that at this point in my journey it was easy to see God as mean. Easy to see him watching me suffer and I could almost hear him laugh. It is really hard to tell others about God's love when that is how you see God.

Amazingly God always showed up. He hasn't fixed the bumps, holes, or even the road blocks. But he showed his love for me. Showed me that all of these things stopping me are lies. They are spiritual attacks to keep from going through the open door. It isn't God I hear laughing. 

Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. - 1 Peter 5:8

This week my sister reminded our youth, and me, that God thinks I am worth it. He thinks You are worth it. Jesus knew what he was about to face on the cross and the Bible reminds us that Jesus could have called 12 legions of angels to protect him, but he choose you and me. 

“Put your sword back in its place,” Jesus said to him, “for all who draw the sword will die by the sword. Do you think I cannot call on my Father, and he will at once put at my disposal more than twelve legions of angels? But how then would the Scriptures be fulfilled that say it must happen in this way?” - Matthew 26:52-54

So before those lies and attacks come I have to remember to put my armor of God on and to surround myself in Jesus' love.  

What reminds you that God doesn't hate you?